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I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words…

April 10, 2012

When I began blogging just a few short weeks ago, I set out with intentions of sharing photos with every post.

Not today, though. These words are significant enough to stand alone.

I have been reading Kelle Hampton’s memoir, entitled Bloom. To be honest, it was reading her blog that made me want to start my own. And like hers, I formed this blog to be my own haven for pouring out my creativity. Rather than having my anxiety chew me up and swallow me alive, I would counter it with this blog, my plan of attack. Kelle’s words are intricately and beautifully woven to recount her experience of coming into motherhood, giving birth to a precious baby with an extra twenty first chromosome, and learning to embrace life and appreciate all things wonderful. Her words are sincere. Her honesty in the face of adversity, admirable. Since reading her story, I’ve tried to approach my own life with a more positive outlook. Realizing, even between my moments of panic and low blood sugar spells, I live a very blessed life.

Today, I heard other news, a story of a loss I can’t imagine. Someone I went to high school with lost her husband this past weekend, after a very long battle with cancer. This woman wasn’t my closest friend, but she didn’t have to be. The ache in my heart I felt for her was so deep, so real. I sat in my chair at the kitchen counter, reading their story through tear soaked eyes. He was so young. Their marriage was so new. I just couldn’t make sense of it.

Through all the planning, conversations discussing budget and color schemes, bickering with my mother, I’ve taken for granted this time I have with my future husband. Our life together is just beginning. The last thing I’ve considered is the possibility of losing him, or vice versa. The truth is, we aren’t the authors of even our own stories. Someone else, much smarter than we, is in charge. I’m ever thankful for that, because I know in the deepest depths of my soul that his plan is better than my own. All I can do is pray to Him that I will have time with Matt. Time to have a life together. Time to live, learn, and love each other.

This time of in between, this limbo between single and married, will (Lord, please) only happen once. I’m going to embrace these last few months. Stop obsessing over details. Love Matt without inhibition. And thank God for every moment we’re given in each others presence.

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